I would like to submit the following review for your website. This film is a work of genius! Bravo!

Love,

Jimmy


THIS FILM IS LIKE SITTING ON AN ATOM BOMB THAT IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE

I have now seen Mr. Tommy Wiseau’s cinematic tour-de-force, "The Room" three times.
With each viewing, "The Room" becomes more complexly entangled in and inseparable
from my own life. I no longer know where The Room ends and I begin.
It is, without question, the worst film ever made. Including movies made on beta max
video cameras in special education high school classes. But, this comment is in no
way meant to be discouraging. Because while The Room is the worst movie ever made it
is also the greatest way to spend a blisteringly fast 100 minutes in the dark.
Simply put, "The Room" will change your life.
It’s not just the dreadful acting or the sub-normal screenplay or the bewildering
direction or the musical score so soaked in melodrama that you will throw up on
yourself or the lunatic-making cinematography; no, there is something magically
wrong with this movie that can only be the product of divine intervention.
The centerpiece of this filmic atomic blast is Mr. Tommy Wiseau himself. Without
him, it would still be the worst movie ever made, but with him it is the greatest
worst movie ever made. Tommy has been described as a Cajun, a Croatian cyborg,
possibly from Belgium, clearly a product of Denmark, or quite possible not from this
world or dimension. All of these things are true at any one moment. He is a
tantalizing mystery stuffed inside an enigma wrapped in bacon and smothered in
cheese. You will fall in love with this man even as you are repelled by him from the
first moment he steps onto screen with his long Louis the Fourteenth style black
locks and thick triangular shoulders in an oddly fitting suit. Tommy looks out of
place, out of time and out of this world. He is perfectly imperfect.
The Room begins with "Johnny" (Tommy Wiseau) and his incomprehensibly evil fiancée
"Lisa" (played by a woman with incongruously colored eyebrows and a propensity for
removing her shirt) engaging in some light frottage on the gayest bed this side of
the end of one of the final scenes from the third installment of Lord of the Rings,
joined by, Denny; (played with a deft sense of the absurd by Phillip Haldiman) their
sexually confused teenage neighbor who is clearly suffering from a form of aged
decrepitude. When Denny, who looks like the human version of Gleek the monkey from
Superfriends, says, in a slightly creepy yet playful tone of voice, "I like to
watch!" as Johnny and Lisa roll around the bed in a pre-intercourse ritual revolving
around rose petals, you know you are in for a very special movie.
After a lengthy lovemaking scene (not to worry if you miss it the first time, they
show it again in its entirety later in the movie) in which Tommy’s bizarre scaly
torso and over-anatomized rear-end are lovingly depicted over and over again as he
appears to thrust his manhood into Lisa’s hip.
Just when you think the movie might lapse into an ordinary, pedestrian sort of
badness, Johnny’s best friend Mark, a man who’s job seems to be to wear the beard
that James Brolin had before he shaved it off, shows up and electrifies the screen
with a performance so wooden that it belongs in the lumber section of Home Depot.
Incidentally, Mark is played by Greg Sestero, who, in addition to being described as
a department store mannequin, was also the line producer on "The Room" and one of
Tommy Wiseau’s five (5!!!!!) assistants on the movie. That’s a lot of hats for one
man to wear. Lisa forces Mark, amid his paltry, unconvincing protests to have an
affair with her on Johnny’s uncomfortable circular stairs. For no apparent reason
Lisa decides that she is pure evil and wants to torture her angelic albeit insane fiancé, Johnny.
Lisa receives pointed advice from her mother who casually announces that she is
dying of breast cancer and then promptly forgets that she is dying of breast cancer
immediately thereafter. But Lisa is determined to make Johnny’s life a living hell.
But not before they recycle the sex scene from earlier in the movie. Denny gets into
trouble with a drug dealer. Mark shaves his beard. Tommy gets drunk on an unusual
cocktail made from mixing whiskey and vodka. Lisa lies and tells everyone that Tommy
hit her in a drunken rage.
A balding psychologist appears out of nowhere, offers some advice, then apparently
dies while softly falling on the ground in an attempt to catch a football thrown by Mark.
All of these seemingly disparate events build up to two cathartic moments. The first
is when Tommy expressively yells at Lisa with the line "You are tearing me apart
Lisa!". You will cheer at this line as you realize that the film has been tearing
you apart the whole time. And the second is at Tommy’s birthday party where the
worst actor that has ever been born plays a unidentified man wearing a silk shirt
who utters a phrase that perfectly describes the experience of watching The Room,
"It feels like I’m sitting on atom bomb that is going to explode!"
See this film at all costs. See it twice. Or three times. See it until you can
recite every precious line of dialogue this movie has to offer. Let The Room become
your new religion and Tommy Wiseau your prophet preaching the gospel according to Johnny.

The Room will change you forever.